I keep meaning to post & then get distracted and busy and then forget; but finally I've remembered. :) yeah for me! I know it's not alzheimers but just stress and work and trying to fit 30+ hours into one day but I swear some days I feel like I'm 90 and senile and almost wish I were just so I would have no choice but to go slow. Ah well, I'll get there one day.

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I've started on my very long journey towards having a garden, hopefully I'll get pictures up soon to log my progress. It's slow going but I'm loving it, digging in the dirt, unearthing squigly worms and old bricks. With luck & some extra cash I'll be able to even get flowers before the season is gone!

I've been reading up on Tarot a bit more too, mostly right before bed or if I can grab 10 minutes on the weekend to try a reading while my mind is clear. I've moved from yes/no quiries to 3 card spreads (past/present/future) and have learned that I'm only good for 1 question every few days or else I get all muddled and my questions get mixed up in the cards. My last clear reading was Sunday afternoon. It was about finding love again and my spread was 3 of Pentacles(inv.)/ Hanged Man(inv.)/ Lovers. It's definitely given me some insight; I have held myself back in the past, I am now at a crossroads but standing still and suffering from tunnelvision, depression and a slight martyr complex. For the future( the Lovers) I guess we'll see. It may just be inspiration or friendship coming my way or perhaps finally a man who is my equal and worthy of my love. At least for the present I can work on myself and maybe pull myself out of the turtle shell i've been hiding in.

 

And I have to keep reminding myself of that! With help of course from others and their insiteful blogs. I haven't taken the time to step outside and be IN Mother Nature for months and months. I think I stopped once at the beginning of March to notice the little buds starting on the Lilac, and that was only because I walked out to get the mail. Usually in the past I sit on the porch with a warm cup of coffee and watch the stark branches of the Oaks swaying, sometimes enjoying the antics of the squirrels high up in them as they go about their business, or walk among the pines and listen to their whispers; enjoy their scent and ever and always green colours among all the white snow, but this winter I haven't ventured out at all. I don't know if it's the cabin fever from such a long winter or just sheer laziness on my part but I am determined to stop hibernating so much and get myself back into positive endeavors. I've kept telling myself that I'll get busy when the weather warms up, or when the days aren't so busy, or when the weekends slow down. HA! as if that'll happen... Nope, I'm going to have to be a little more proactive than that and block out time for nature and nurture, for myself and my family. Wish me luck! And thank you to Tala Rivka for her inspiring words (and hen story). It's reminded me of my duties and of what I need to be grateful for.

Have a Blessed Spring!

 

 
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It seems 2008 has been sneaking up on me for 2 months now and I'm just starting to catch up to it. My mind has been such a mess for the past few months, actually since around Sept 2007 would be more accurate. That's close to the time my hold on reality,finances,health, and basically everyday life started to unravel. If I woke up remembering my name I felt that I had accomplished something amazing. I'm still not quite sure if the self I'm waking to these days is the actual me or maybe a doppleganger of myself that has slipped unknowingly into my life. I am sure though that it's time I take this self I'm waking up to in hand and very clearly tell her what I'm expecting her to accomplish this year, whether it's the real me or not. I guess we'll see how far I get with this approach in the next month, either everything I've struggled with for over a year now will be resolved or I'll be once again making huge changes in my life, and unfortunately my son's life also. My main goal for the immediate future is to keep supplying him with some form of stability, which is the goal that seems to always feel just out of reach. 

 

 

I was thinking of all the people in the world that are unhappy because they're not with someone right now or are waiting for true love and it made me think of whether I actually believe there is such a thing as soulmates, true love, happily ever after. i guess i'm more of a 'live in the moment' woman right now. And so i penned a little rhyme. It's not that I don't believe in love but more that I believe it evolves and changes as we change-so how could 'one' person love us through all of our different metamorphisis... 

 

Can I give you forever? Would you want me to try?

Or a moment of bliss that's gone with a sigh?

Quiet talks and warm cuddling; an embrace & a kiss

I could give for a lifetime,

but must first ask you this...

 

Without understanding my passions and pains

would you still love me knowing there's nothing to gain?

I can't make you happy though I can share in your joy,

stand beside you & with you, share life's heartaches and chores.

 

I've no answers to give you, no lessons to teach

and the goals that you strive for will be yours to reach.

Could you still give me forever? Would you still want to try?

Because knowing myself- I have to ask, Why?

I'm a work still in progress & far from the end.

I'll be the greatest of lovers & the truest of friends.

But I'll also be selfish, thoughtless & rude.

I'll be depressed for no reason & wake up in a mood.

I won't always share feelings or ask for your help,

and though I do want you with me- I'd be fine by myself.

 

I could love you for an hour, one lifetime, or one night.

If I can wear all these faces-then which one is right?

And which would you choose? Which of ME would you like

if I won't be your everything or just be your wife?

 

Two halves of a whole may have worked 'way back when'

but these days there's a Universe in each woman & man.

And too much of me may be too much for you.

I'll change & I'll grow, become someone different,

-It's true.

Will you still love me then? Because change...

So will you.

 

 

I'm so happy I stumbled across this little corner of cyberspace. it's added so much to my life, with the information, the helpful people, and the interesting people that I've been blessed to have cross my path. I come here when I need help or when I have stress or just need a little bit of uplifting energy. Just browsing thru the profiles or reading miscelleneous blogs, or visiting one of the groups adds something special to an otherwise ordinary day-Blessings to one and all.