I think I'm as happy to see Summer end as I was to see Winter end. I can't wait for Fall to come, all the red, gold, yellow, green, and browns mixed up and making me nostalgic for Samhain/Halloween and harvest decorations, for  the aroma of pumpkin, apple, and spices. I love the sunshine and green of Spring & Summer, but Autumn just warms me through, heart and soul.

Judgement- it sounds so severe. This is the card I pulled today as I contemplated what guidance my life needed.

With Fire as its ruling element (or Pluto as its ruling planet), Judgement is about rebirth, resurrection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks for the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.

For a few weeks I've felt like I'm on information overload and also having a bit of identity crisis. It's gotten so bad I've been avoiding people as much as possible, and when I do have to be at work or out somewhere I've felt like I need a 20 foot barrier between me and everyone else. It's horrible to feel like I have to shun even people I care about just to hold on to my sanity, but what else is there to do? Thankfully I've had C.S. to come to when I've felt the need, along with my attempts at meditation and any calming exercises and activities I can think of I think the worst has past. I'm still studying both Judaism and Wicca and thought I was doing better about finding my path between the two but it seems that the closer I get to the answer the more cloudy the road I'm on becomes. Well... Let it RAIN then because I'm not giving up. It's times like these that I realize how hard being solitary can be, it would feel good to have sisters close by to spend time with. I love the small town living and my little home far away from the big city but the cultural diversity my soul craves is sorely lacking here.

The Butterfly Effect

I've also had energy fluctuations that are leaving me wondering if I should check myself into a padded cell. I enjoy a good dose of inspiration and creativity as much as anyone but if I get much more I think I'm going to spontaneously combust! As it is my skin is tingly, my mind won't settle and follow through on one thought at a time, my eyes are only happy if they're reading at 30+ mph and trying to take in all the colours and shapes around me, and my computer at work has threatened me with multiple error messages if my hands don't settle down and ease up on my mouse. I've gone through almost all of my chamomile tea and calming myself  with chakra exercises in the mornings and at lunch for 5 or 10 minutes only seems to last a ½ hour or 45 min. if I'm lucky. I'm definitely not complaining. I love feeling so vibrant and alive but I have no definite direction for all of this energy (where's a man when you literally need one ?) and I've centered and grounded myself so much I should be growing roots by now. I can't get anything actually done because I'm like an overloaded hard drive that keeps looping itself trying to end one command and start another.  So after Shabbat is over this weekend I'm going to try sending out some excess energy to anyone who feels they need a boost. Pleasssse feel free to take what you need. I'm hoping that if I can get my levels down to something normal I can try writing more this weekend too. That would be a great accomplishment for me.

Shalom and mucho Blessings to All this Lughnassadh.

I keep meaning to post & then get distracted and busy and then forget; but finally I've remembered. :) yeah for me! I know it's not alzheimers but just stress and work and trying to fit 30+ hours into one day but I swear some days I feel like I'm 90 and senile and almost wish I were just so I would have no choice but to go slow. Ah well, I'll get there one day.

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I've started on my very long journey towards having a garden, hopefully I'll get pictures up soon to log my progress. It's slow going but I'm loving it, digging in the dirt, unearthing squigly worms and old bricks. With luck & some extra cash I'll be able to even get flowers before the season is gone!

I've been reading up on Tarot a bit more too, mostly right before bed or if I can grab 10 minutes on the weekend to try a reading while my mind is clear. I've moved from yes/no quiries to 3 card spreads (past/present/future) and have learned that I'm only good for 1 question every few days or else I get all muddled and my questions get mixed up in the cards. My last clear reading was Sunday afternoon. It was about finding love again and my spread was 3 of Pentacles(inv.)/ Hanged Man(inv.)/ Lovers. It's definitely given me some insight; I have held myself back in the past, I am now at a crossroads but standing still and suffering from tunnelvision, depression and a slight martyr complex. For the future( the Lovers) I guess we'll see. It may just be inspiration or friendship coming my way or perhaps finally a man who is my equal and worthy of my love. At least for the present I can work on myself and maybe pull myself out of the turtle shell i've been hiding in.

And I have to keep reminding myself of that! With help of course from others and their insiteful blogs. I haven't taken the time to step outside and be IN Mother Nature for months and months. I think I stopped once at the beginning of March to notice the little buds starting on the Lilac, and that was only because I walked out to get the mail. Usually in the past I sit on the porch with a warm cup of coffee and watch the stark branches of the Oaks swaying, sometimes enjoying the antics of the squirrels high up in them as they go about their business, or walk among the pines and listen to their whispers; enjoy their scent and ever and always green colours among all the white snow, but this winter I haven't ventured out at all. I don't know if it's the cabin fever from such a long winter or just sheer laziness on my part but I am determined to stop hibernating so much and get myself back into positive endeavors. I've kept telling myself that I'll get busy when the weather warms up, or when the days aren't so busy, or when the weekends slow down. HA! as if that'll happen... Nope, I'm going to have to be a little more proactive than that and block out time for nature and nurture, for myself and my family. Wish me luck! And thank you to Tala Rivka for her inspiring words (and hen story). It's reminded me of my duties and of what I need to be grateful for.

Have a Blessed Spring!

 
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